The Loki Horror Picture Show
by Mechanical Orange
Summary: A science fiction double feature... with a mischievous twist.


**A/N: **Written for the Tasertricks Halloween Exchange.

Prompt: Rocky Horror Picture Show

Prompted by: dalekclock

Enjoy it, and Happy Halloween!

* * *

"Please? It's tradition!"

"A silly one."

"Come on, it's my favorite part of the holiday!"

Loki sighed. "Every time you convince me to watch one of your movies, I find it an utter waste of time."

"A waste of time?" Darcy asked, incredulous. "What else could you possibly be doing? It's not like you're allowed to leave this apartment."

As soon as she saw the look on Loki's face, Darcy regretted her words.

"Sorry," she said. "I know you hate being here, but I'm trying to make it fun."

"Fun?"

"Okay, maybe just a little less not-fun," Darcy conceded.

Loki snorted.

"Come on, Loki," Darcy begged. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Fine," Loki huffed. "But this is the last time I indulge your pathetic pleading. Do not expect me to be so amenable next time."

Darcy rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure you said that last time," she muttered, as she got up and popped the _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_ into the DVD player. She resumed her seat on the couch (maybe a little closer to Loki than necessary) and pressed play on the remote.

The bright red lips appeared onscreen and Darcy could barely hide her excited grin; Loki remained as stoic as ever.

The movie wore on, and Darcy nudged ever closer to Loki's shoulder. Loki was so stiff all the time; Darcy though maybe some contact would loosen him up. Also, his shoulder looked super comfortable.

On screen everyone was doing the Time Warp, and she heard Loki mutter, "That is not how one travels through time or space."

She poked him. "Lighten up; it's just a movie." She (finally!) rested her head on his shoulder. He flinched slightly, but didn't throw her off. Point for Darcy.

Around the time Eddie appeared, Darcy felt her eyelids begin to droop. It had been a long day, and instead of going to a crazy Halloween party she decided to spend the evening with a surly Asgardian. She just didn't have the energy for dancing and drinking and debauchery (though she would be lying if she said she didn't like Loki's company). So after a long day at SHIELD, coupled with the comfort of Loki's shoulder, Darcy found herself slowly drifting to sleep. She felt a soothing hand rest on her head, and she smiled. Despite his protests, Loki was totally a big softie. The last thing she remembered was a slew of "Janet! Brad! Rocky! Dr. Scott!"

As Darcy fell out of wakefulness she fell into a vivid and horrifying dream…

Darcy found herself in a strange house and dressed in a maid's outfit. She was draped over the banister on an old wooden staircase. Then, a doorbell rang. Erik (well, it looked like Erik, but he had a hunchback and long stringy hair) appeared from the shadows to answer it.

Before Darcy could ask him what the hell was going on, the door opened and Jane and Steve stumbled in. They looked like Jane and Steve, but didn't acknowledge her or Erik at all. She tried to say hi, but couldn't open her mouth. Erik led them into a ballroom, and Darcy followed. Inside, there were many guests all dancing and singing and Darcy realized with shock, _they were doing the Time Warp! _And the house, the ballroom and all the people looked very, very familiar. Erik with stringy hair, she in a maid's outfit…

Darcy joined in the dance against her own volition, and then she heard a woman start to sing. She was dressed in a sparkly outfit and top hat and she looked extraordinarily like Natasha Romanoff.

"Let's do the Time Warp again!" everyone shouted, and Darcy obliged.

Steve and Jane began edging out of the room slowly, but behind them an elevator dropped down. Though Darcy knew what was coming (it's not like she hadn't seen this movie a bajillion times before), she could scarcely wrap her mind around what happened next.

The elevator doors opened and out stepped the most beautiful, surreal and disturbing thing Darcy had ever seen.

There he stood, all six foot plus, in heels and a corset and lots of makeup – the God of Mischief himself – Loki!

"Oh my God," Darcy tried to whisper, but her mouth wouldn't form the words. Instead she grinned and applauded as Loki burst into song.

"I'm just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania," he declared. She, Erik and Natasha draped themselves around his chair and cooed.

"So come up to the lab and see what's on the slab!"

Jane and Steve looked horrified, even more so when Darcy (aided by Erik and Natasha) began ripping their bewildered guests' clothes off.

Darcy spun out of the room and found herself in the lab; the pink tile exactly as she remembered it from the movie. The Transylvanians lined the railings and Jane and Steve stood in the center wearing only their underclothes.

And on the slab? Darcy knew who it was before Loki (or Frank-N-Furter?) even finished his big reveal.

Sure enough, the creature rose from his tank and Rocky was no longer Rocky – it was Thor. And seriously did he ever look good in a pair of tiny gold lamé shorts. As Loki ran around the lab chasing a surprisingly skittish Thor, Darcy could've sworn the sweet (ha! hardly) transvestite had thrown her a very mischievous wink.

Darcy felt the letter "L" curl around her tongue. Maybe she could finally speak on her own without following this ludicrous script, but before the rest of Loki's name could escape her lips she was interrupted by a resounding crash.

"Eddie!" screamed Natasha (or Columbia, rather). But instead of slightly less portly Meat Loaf, there was Agent Clint Barton in ratty jeans and a leather jacket.

For a moment, in all the chaos and shouting, Darcy forgot herself and gave in to the madness in front of her. Didn't everyone dream of jumping into their favorite movie? Of being a character on their favorite TV show? She engaged in the yelling, the shouting and the chasing, but then Darcy remembered, it wasn't called a horror show for nothing.

Loki emerged from the freezer into which he had chased Clint, blood all over his rubber gloves. Darcy didn't recall Frank-N-Furter looking quite so gleeful after committing murder. No, that grin was entirely Loki's. Darcy tried to admonish him, or warn the others, or even just scream in frustration, but every protest died in her throat. Every step she took toward the freezer led her in a circle. Every glance at Loki only made his smile grow wider.

People rushed out of the room; the walls began dissolving and then Darcy was in a bedroom with Natasha. She was watching a television, and Darcy felt compelled to watch it too, a weird fluttering in her stomach caused by the knowledge of what would be on the screen.

Sure enough, Loki was in Jane's room, seducing and beguiling her. Darcy's stomach churned in disgust (jealousy?). No, it was just because seeing Loki and Jane together was weird and wrong and Loki wouldn't really be interested in her like that, would he?

Or Steve for that matter, because that was where he went next. And if seeing Loki and Jane together was weird, it was nothing next to the God of Mischief getting it on with the resident Boy Scout. Darcy did all she could to avert her eyes, but it was no use. In the movie Columbia and Magenta (because Darcy was sure now that she was definitely Magenta) took a perverse glee in watching the inhabitants of the house hook up with each other. In fact they even added commentary in the scene with Rocky and J – _oh no_.

Her pristine track record at never walking in on Jane and Thor doing the horizontal tango was about to be broken.

_Loki_, she hissed in her head, _you're in big fucking trouble now._ She couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard Loki's answering laughter ring inside her mind.

There was no avoiding it. Darcy and Natasha watched from their monitor as Jane got all up in Thor's business, intoning, "creature of the night" at all the appropriate times.

As Jane and Thor were just getting down to it, Loki, Steve, and a man in a wheelchair interrupted their tryst. Thank God.

"Janet!"

"Brad!"

"Rocky!"

"Dr. Scott!"

Only Dr. Scott looked a lot like one Agent Coulson of SHIELD. Not Coulson too!

The scene shifted rapidly, and Darcy found herself seated at a table. Loki was standing at the head, proposing a toast, while Coulson was listing the virtues of the deceased Eddie and Natasha was crying. Jane and Steve looked thoroughly freaked out even before Loki deigned to reveal Clint's dessicated body lying underneath the table. Everyone screamed, and Darcy felt sick to her stomach.

This had gone way too far. Darcy was pretty sure this whole Rocky Horror thing wasn't real (right?), but seeing her friends dead or upset or doing the nasty crossed the line from funny fantasy into really not funny horror. And anyway this was just a dream, right? And if it was her dream, she should be able to do whatever the hell she wanted. And what she wanted was for Loki to stop.

She caught Loki's eye and glared. _Enough already!_

Darcy felt herself falling; the dining hall disappeared and there was a ray gun in her hand. Erik was standing next to her, holding his gun at the ready. Loki, Jane, Thor, Steve, Natasha and Coulson stood before them on a stage, all wearing matching corsets and stockings with frilly garters.

This was it, the big finale.

Loki's eyes glinted behind his ridiculous false eyelashes. _Is this what you wanted? _ His voice whispered in her head. She held up her gun and took aim, prepared for Loki to run like Frank-N-Furter did. But he didn't. He stood there and smiled.

"Loki!" Darcy cried, and was surprised to find that she could say his name out loud. "This is insane!"

He laughed. "I thought this was tradition?"

Darcy fired her ray gun and hit him square on the chest and he fell backwards into the swimming pool behind him. The walls around began dripping paint; the floor was receding and all the set pieces around her were falling apart. One by one Natasha, Coulson, Erik, Steve, Jane and Thor faded away and Darcy was surrounded by blank white space.

Darcy opened her eyes and sat up, collecting herself enough to notice she was still on the couch in the apartment. Loki was gone, and she rubbed her eyes. The TV was still on, the DVD menu screen was playing on loop. She staggered over to turn it off, but in the dark glass of the TV she noticed something peculiar – she was wearing a black corset and tights. Darcy gasped.

"Loki!" she shrieked.

He appeared next to her out of thin air, laughing at her distress.

"Did you have a good dream?" he asked.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Darcy replied. "I can't believe you – you were in my dreams, in my head and—"

Loki kissed her lips swiftly and firmly. "Happy Halloween," he murmured. He leaned in again for another kiss, and Darcy was (shamed to say) quite eager for it. She tilted her head to meet him and could practically taste his lips on hers. She closed her eyes and waited for it to come, and then…

Nothing.

She opened her eyes. Loki had disappeared.

"Bastard."


End file.
